No More Babies??

Many of you have read Hans' blog on his vasectomy. Many of you know this is something we have threatened several babies ago and obviously changed our mind. I remember years ago Hans and I met a couple who had surrendered there family size to the Lord and they decided to have as many children as he wanted to give them.......I also remember Hans and I thinking they were crazy!

After having Ryland, which at the time was a scary thing for us(Zac was only 8mos old when I got pregnant with her), the Lord just sort of lead H and I to the same conviction about our family size one child at a time. So 7 babies and 2 miscarriages later here we are. We never used any birth control but found ourselves asking the Lord for each one after Ryland except Cal.

We had just moved to Little Rock and having a baby was not on either of our radars. We were still not using any birth control and I was weaning Tinslee, but still we were surprised, okay shocked to find out we were having another baby. Honestly I was so overwhelmed with life that another baby just made no sense to me. Was God sure he knew what he was doing on this one?

I am a firm believer that God is totally sovereign and nothing takes him by surprise. I love that I get to play a part in creation, but recognize my humanness enough to know that it is God who gives life and also decides when that life moves on into another realm which I believe to be heaven or hell.

Having my sweet Calvin Stephen I am so thankful that I don't always get to choose what I want. I was so broken from moving away from the only place I call home my heart knew nothing of what our family needed. God knew exactly what he was doing.

I find that God is constantly teaching me through each of my children, but just in giving birth to Cal and having him daily God continues to bless my heart with rich lessons on surrender. When the sweet doctor who delivered Cal and did my surgery after birth said no more, somewhere inside of me I knew that this was it for me,and I would probably not give birth again. I really wrestled with God on this one. I wasn't ready to make this decision. I wasn't so sure about what God was doing here. Believe it or not I can't imagine not getting to have another baby. Through alot of prayer and counsel from friends and family we felt as much as anyone can that this was a right decision for our family. Surrender. Man sometimes I hate surrender!

So here I sit surrendered to God and what I believe to be his plan for our life. Maybe one day we will adopt a child and this will be a whole new birthing experience? Let me just assure you this will take God speaking directly into Hans' heart, but I trust that he is a man surrendered to God and his plan for our life. If God speaks this to our hearts we will follow him.

Talk to me in a couple of years when our house feels completely controlled by children and Hans and I are wondering if we were crazy. Because if I've learned one thing about God that will probably be the time he will call our hearts to adopt. If so I hope I will see it as I do now and just surrender. Surrender is where my journey with God began and I have a feeling it's where I must fight my ego, flesh, and enemy to stay.

Lord please help me to cherish each minute of each day with my children and let my heart never forget these days and the ones to come.