When the Fog Lifts

Do you ever feel like your in a fog?? Do you ever feel like there is no way it can possibly be as bad as it feels, but then why does it feel so bad? Do you ever find yourself wondering when you are going to catch a break, a breath, or a vacation? Here's a glance into my fog.

Home school. I don't think I even need to say anything else on that one.

Hans and I are both so overwhelmed and busy we have been in a contest of who does more and who's job is harder.

Everything in Arkansas is in bloom, and I found out our great state is on a top 10 list for one of the worst places to live with allergies. I have the worst allergies right now. I'm talking a nose that runs like a faucet on high, nonstop sneezing, and eyes that itch and burn like fire. I started taking Zyrtec which has been drying up my milk. The Zyrtec stopped working, and my milk supply seems to be fading.

Cal my nine month old LOVES to nurse. I love that he LOVES to nurse except that there hasn't been very much milk for him due to the Zyrtec. I have shared before that my plan is to nurse him until he's three or so cause he's the last baby. I am very aware that I need to just let it go and move on into the next season, but I just don't think I can. Dysfunctional? Yes, but I can live with that. Anyway, he doesn't like food or formula. Nothing!! He only wants my milk, and while this is very good for my holding onto baby dysfunction, he's starving. You can imagine the stress.

Cal is also teething. We just cut tooth #1 and still going.

Our sweet friends went to Ireland and so we have been keeping their 3 girls. These are some of the sweetest most obedient children I know, but it's still 9 children. I don't think I need to say anything more.

Poop anyone?? I hate poop. I don't want to wipe another hiney or change one more poopy diaper. Tinslee who is 2&1/2 is totally ready to be potty trained, but I have no idea who will train her.

Seasons are changing which means I must go through 5 closets, (Kylie does her own) and pack up clothes that don't fit and go through the attic to get out the ones that do. This is a job that will make any grown woman want to lay on the floor and kick and scream a fit.

If you are still reading my pity potty list you either love me a lot, can totally relate, or just have sheer pity on my complaining spirit. I figure these are real issues that real mommies wrestle with, and denying that these feelings exist gets me no where. Talking about my dysfunctions shifts something in my heart, and gives me true perspective.

I was in this defeated place all day yesterday and felt more hopeful this morning until Tinslee stuck her hand in her oatmeal and smeared it in her hair, all over her highchair, and the wall. Where was her mommy you ask? I was trying to talk on the phone! When I discover what she's done I explain to my sweet friend Christie what happened and tell her I need to go. She responds by saying "awe.... you know Star I know when your in the middle of it it's so annoying, but I miss having little ones around making those kind of messes". I hang up and Kylie comes down to help me clean the mess while I feed Cal. She turns on the radio and we start tag teaming Tinslee's mess and feeding the baby. A country song comes on that talks about one day missing these days and wishing they hadn't gone by so fast. Christie's words and this song are on repeat in my brain. I realize God is speaking. I begin to just take it in. Something begins to shift and I start to feel like the luckiest woman alive.

The fog is lifting and suddenly I can see. Here is some truth.....

Home school is hard, but I feel so called to it, and love having my children here with me. I am reminded nothing good and worth so much comes easy. God never promised me easy, but he did promise to carry my burdens and walk through them with me, but I must let Him in. The challenge for me is to look to him constantly. Relationship.

Hans and I are daily gaining more compassion for each other. I am realizing that while my life feels hard and busy he is faced with challenges that I am thankful I don't have.

I found a new allergy medicine that shouldn't affect my milk and Cal started eating food!!

Our friends girls left yesterday to finish their stay with another family.

Caleb started wiping his own hiney and Tinslee all on her own has gone potty 3x all by herself today. This has me dancing a jig!

As for the clothes, well I'm gonna take them all out back and burn them. My kids are allowed 2 pair of underwear and 2 outfits each. I know this means I'll have to wash everyday, but I already do that. This will just make for less clothes and no fights on what to wear. Here's to hoping the fog lifts on this one before I start burning.

Christie, thank you for being a voice of truth into my life today.